If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft....
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00
Why a student fails ???
ONLY 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student.
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 130 days.
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means
30days.
Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days!
Days left 81.
7. Exam days per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.
Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness at least 3 days.
Remaining days 3.
10. Movies and functions at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. "How can you study at that day?"
Balance days 0
Don't mess with Engineers
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority .
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
-------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------- -
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
Away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
---------------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------- -----------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA): !
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ................... ....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
Retrieve Clipboard Text To A Web Page With Javascript
Click on this link http://www.friendlycanadian.com/applications/clipboard.htm
Fortunately, the fix for this is also quite simple:
1. In Internet Explorer, go to Tools -> Internet Options -> Security
2. Click on Custom Level (preview image).
3. In the security settings, click to Disable the “Allow Paste Operations via Script.” That will keep your clipboard contents private (screen capture preview).
Note: If you are using Firfox browser then it will not work and if you using IE 7 then it will prompt you to Allow execution of javascript.
If Bollywood Film star work for call centers........ Imagine the calls
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...
Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Customer: Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega....
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...
And at last ..................
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone.......
Toilet Conversation
Ever been in this situation before?
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying "Hi, how are you?"
I am not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, " Doing just fine!"
And the other guy says "So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question, "Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "Nooo… I am little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the guy say nervously:
"Listen, I will have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!! !!!!"
Some Interesting Google facts
-
The prime reason the Google home page is so bare is due to the fact that the founders didn’t know HTML and just wanted a quick interface. Infact it was noted that the submit button was a long time coming and hitting the RETURN key was the only way to burst Google into life.
Google uses the 20% / 5% rules. If at least 20% of people use a feature, then it will be included. At least 5% of people need to use a particular search preference before it will make it into the ‘Advanced Preferences’.
The name ‘Google’ was an accident. A spelling mistake made by the original founders who thought they were going for ‘Googol’
- Gmail was used internally for nearly 2years prior to launch to the public. They discovered there was approximately 6 types of email users, and Gmail has been designed to accommodate these 6.
- Google makes changes small-and-often. They will sometimes trial a particular feature with a set of users from a given network subnet; for example Excite@Home users often get to see new features. They aren’t told of this, just presented with the new UI and observed how they use it.
- Employees are encouraged to use 20% of their time working on their own projects. Google News, Orkut are both examples of projects that grew from this working model.
- The infamous "I feel lucky" is nearly never used. However, in trials it was found that removing it would somehow reduce the Google experience. Users wanted it kept. It was a comfort button.
- Orkut is very popular in Brazil. Orkut was the brainchild of a very intelligent Google engineer who was pretty much given free reign to run with it, without having to go through the normal Google UI procedures, hence the reason it doesn't look or feel like a Google application. They are looking at improving Orkut to cope with the loads it places on the system.
- Google has the largest network of translators in the world.
- They listen to feedback actively. Emailing Google isn't emailing a blackhole.
- Quote: Give Users What They Want When They Want It.
- Quote: Integrate Sensibly
Hrithik's incredible pose (It's not morphed)
Like Kingfisher Calendar Dabboo Rattani calendar is so popular for its novelty in photographs. Hrithik Roshan was shot while falling down in a pool.
He was asked to pose as if he is very serious in reading the News Paper and not aware that he is falling down. To make it more natural, no strings are used to support Hrithik and no morphing work was done. He literally fallen down in water after a second of the pose that you are seeing here.
7 pairs of suits were brought to picture this shot as the dress turns wet after every attempt. But incredibly, Hrithik made it Okayed in first shot itself. So, 6 pairs of suit left dry!
Small Truth To Make Our Life 100%
Newtons Laws on Love
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.
First law: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.
Second law: The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.
Third law: The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals!
Mathematics: Numbers
These are some of the numbers that you may or may not be familiar with. Maybe sometime in this century before I die of old age will I type out the total number of a googleplex.
| 1,000= Thousand |
Hothhon se chhu lo - Prem Geet (1981)
ban jaao meet mere, meri preet amar kar do.
[touch my song with your lips, make it immortal,
be my beloved, make my love immortal]
Na umr kee seemaa ho, naa janmon kaa ho bandhan
jab pyaar kare koi to dekhe kewal maan,
nayee reet chalaakar tum ye reet amar kar do
[No restriction of age, not the bond of lives,
when someone love should see only the soul,
by carving new trend, make the trend immortal]
Aakaash kaa sunapan mere tanaha man me,
paayal zanakaatee tum aa jaao jeewan me
saanse dekar apani sangeet amar kar do.
sangeet amar kar do mera geet amar kar do.
[Loneliness of the sky is in my lone heart,
with rattleing paayal enter into my life,
by giving own breaths make the music immortal
make the music immortal, make my song immortal]
Jag ne chhinaa muz se, muze jo bhee lagaa pyaaraa
sab jeetaa kiye muz se, main har pal hee haaraa
tum haar ke dil apanaa, meree jeet amar kar do
[World snatched from me, whatever was beloved to me,
all won from me, I lost at every moment,
by losing your heart you make my victory immortal]
