Thoughts from Man's Heart

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers..
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity..
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end,
the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They
reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father
and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering
what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ....'
Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and
continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to
me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing .. .. . .
But not the poor Groom ! ! !

And now the Best one. . . .

Thought 4

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind,
'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and
kill you..'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him... The man
was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross
the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you
take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around
the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered..

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?




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Managing Directors are so rude (good joke)

Does Management know their Staff?

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company
noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
"How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn 10000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed 30000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty!


Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man
I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"

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Management Decision - If Management has decided to screw you, there is no escap

Once SONIA GANDHI, L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.

Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell " INDIA " and she does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).
Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and
passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes..
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.
Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and
passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
'

'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... :-

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Tumhare pass kya hai?

Tumhare pass kya hai?


Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.
To Kill time he decides to have fun with him. He calls him.


Manager Asks canteen boy: How much do you earn?
Canteen boy smiles.
Manager: What are your future plans?
Canteen boy keeps quiet.
Manager: Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
Canteen boy gives a cold stare.
Manager: Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha.
Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai.
naam hai...
shohrat hai...
paisa hai...
Izzat Hai...
tumhare paas kya hai?


(Scroll down to find out his answer)
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Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki 'Mere paas Maa hain'
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Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai... Jo Tumare pass naheen hai!
Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.



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Kalyug Ka Mathematics

1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT .

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 5 minute song in Hindi movie.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent.

7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya'sFilm.

13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

14.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas

16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

18.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass

19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie

20.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra 1 Lady - 1 Brain = Aishwarya Rai 1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat 1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta



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How to identify a Software engineer?

How to identify a Software engineer?

1. He/She never bargains... No wonder things have become so costly!

2. When a cab/bus passes by and you see all the commuters in it are sleeping like they haven't slept for years...

3. Dilbert or Calvin is their favorite cartoon...

4. Words like issues, tracker, raising requests, buzz/ping, compile, delete [unlike erase or rub it off], onsite [n not abroad is what 'foreign land' is called] are the ones that would be used by 'default'...

5. Weekends are holy words... they are like a salvation one seeks for...

6. "Wazzzup", "Hows life?", are few obvious questions one will be greeted with which would be immediately followed by "how's work?"

7. Salaries, work etc are always better or in good shape in other companies than the one he/she is currently in...

8. They don't send or take things... they always forward them!

9. Drinking coffee is the most pleasurable thing they think they do in the entire day...

10. They seek a search engine in just almost everything they do... When I forget where I have kept my things at home the first thing that comes to my mind is "I wish there was a Google search for my room".

11. Mondays are always blue...

12. All of them will have a dream to do something in life and that something would never be what they are doing right now.


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Women are clever....and men are...................

Women are clever,and men are......MUST READ!!!!!!!!


A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you
wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also
make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom
women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be
ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because
what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack!"

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll down.


The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!






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Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......


Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......


If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......


Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......


How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......


One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......


Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......


Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

............ ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......


There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......


"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......


God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......


A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station
what more can I say........

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......





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Management Lesson - Sonia Gandhi, L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav

Once Sonia Gandhi, L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death..

He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.


Then why the differential treatment?


He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.


Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.


Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell " INDIA " and she does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.



Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).

Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and
passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.



Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.

Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and
passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.
'

'

'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE

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Software engineer and his wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - Oh God !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters....


Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer



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Recession Joke

“The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs,
If we purchase a computer it will go to India,
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras,
and
Guatemala,
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan,
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan…
….and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes, beer and cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the US.”
Interesting take on the ‘flat world’!

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Why Did Big-B quit KBC

Why Did Big-B quit KBC



The Story So Far....


Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50" and "Phone a Friend".. Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let's see what happens next... :-) 
Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13 th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par... 
Santa Singh gets Tense.... 
Amitabh Bachchan: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan? Your options are... 


A: Amitabh Bachchan
B: Dharmendra
C: Amzaad Khan
D: Sanjeev Kumar

Amitabh Bachchan: To Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's quite sure that Santa will opt for option A] 
But Santa is surprisingly still confused.... 
Amitabh Bachchan: Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai... 50-50 and phone a friend.. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai. 
Santa Singh: I think it is A, but I'm not sure. 
Amitabh Bachchan: Not sure, Hmmm... Aap kya karna chahenge?
Santa Singh: I would like to use 50-50... 
Amitabh Bachchan: Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye…
 Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options: 
           B: Dharmendra
           
            D: Sanjeev Kumar

Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline... 
       
        Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend... 
       
Amitabh Bachchan: Aap kisse baat karna chahenge!? 
Santa Singh: Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga... 
      
Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan [Thanks to AirTel :-) ].... 
       
       Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?" 
       
        receiving reply from JAYA Santa faints.. 
       
        GUESS WHY????????? ?? 
       
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       Options kya hai ?

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Love Letter in Q/A format

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.


A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Ishaa,


Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********


1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********

9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.


If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.


Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love , Aanshu


************ *********



Ishaa's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........


Aanshu ,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... Right ?


(a) Yes (b) No
**********

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

6) Should I not wait for my best friend ( Anjali ) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No
**********

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No
**********

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No


If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.


Hope everything is clear to you .



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Don't copy if you can't paste!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

Said he: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.

The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went wan with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

Posted On: http://unclecruise.blogspot.com/

Engineering VS Management

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.

She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more

and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would

meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering

approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees

north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically

correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact

is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If

anything you've delayed my trip even more."

The man below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're

going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot

air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect

people beneath you to solve your problems."


Posted On: http://unclecruise.blogspot.com/

General Motors reply on Bill Gates comment

General Motors reply to Bill Gates


At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release Stating:
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics " :


1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.


2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.


3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.


5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would ! run on only five percent of the roads.


6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.


7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.


8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.


9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.


10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. "


Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries


Posted On: http://unclecruise.blogspot.com/

By all Means... MARRY !

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi Moghe


I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

when a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry



By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to do great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!



Posted On: http://unclecruise.blogspot.com/